Choice

I often wonder if I have made the right choice to come to training to be an officer. If I was emotionally ready to give up all that I loved my little business, being a stay at home mom, always having my own schedule, not answering to anyone but my own family,  even having as many children as I wanted.  But were these choices ever really mine, or were they simply gifts from God?

We fought for years whether we were even called, then when we said yes we were pushed to come sooner and we said no we must wait for our children's sake because their timing counts too.  I know they will handle being an officers kid with the moves, meetings, over night baby sitters, even delayed birthday parties. But that is only because I survived and I don't remember any time where it did not feel normal. But it is still hard adjusting here, having them adjust here. I hate not seeing my children 24 hours in a day, my heart is honestly not for it. I miss them, the second I can pull them out of school, I do. I love to see them in all  that they are doing, even in their not listening state.  I miss so much not having them home. It's so different, and the thought of my little girl I am carrying going right into day care after only 2 months of being at home is a killer to even think of.  Honestly my girls are my everything,  In all I do I have them and their best interest in heart.  So even when I think of day care the thought of them not being with me, the days where they cling to my neck and don't want to leave, as sad as those days are it's a must. I know I have to be here for a reason, at this time.

Some days it takes all I have to stay here. But I fight, get through the day and then I wake up to the next usually just as tired but ready to fight.  I keep telling myself that I finished the first semester and did not fail anything, that it's okay to make sacrifices for yourself so your children see more of you.

In the end I am only here for a short period of time in my life. I am here to be a servant for Jesus. In the end that is what I am going to be in His Name.   So in the end giving up my other life, it was worth it, even with all the sacrifices I have had to make here for  and will have to continue for the future I know it is only for this season in life because I have a purpose, His purpose.